Apostate Read online

  “As you and the other Council members surmised, I left some details out of my report,” Kellan said. “I think I should fill you in, now, before you examine Tasha.”

  “This would be faster and more complete if we spoke mind-to-mind.” Ezra held out his teacup for a refill. Monique obliged.

  “It would,” Kellan agreed. “But I want Tasha to be part of this, and I don’t want you using our conversation as an opportunity to test her.”

  “Very well. Tell me what you should have told us before.”

  “I told you everything you needed to know at that time. Now you need to know more, and now is when you’ll learn it.”

  Ezra waved his hand dismissively. “Tomato, Clamato. Just tell me.”

  Monique snickered and Ezra winked at her. Tasha wondered if the two had been an item at one time. Forty-six hundred years gave a woman a lot of time to date a bunch of different guys. Ezra wouldn’t always have been balding and four inches shorter than Monique.

  “While I was hunting Seketh, I discovered he’d kidnapped a young Fey woman.” Kellan gestured at Tasha. “Her sister, with the aid of a Celestial Lightbringer, his Progeny wife, another Fey, a Gaian, and a Guardian were searching for her, and when we crossed paths, they refused to believe I was one of the good guys just because I said so. They insisted on a thorough interview.”

  “And yet you live,” Ezra said flatly.

  “Yes, and with my mind intact, thanks to the Guardian and his friends. I owe them for that.”

  “You almost died saving me,” Tasha said softly.

  “And you saved my life later that night.” The warmth in Kellan’s gaze reminded Tasha of the erotic sensation of sharing her life force with him. Her breath caught in her throat.

  “As touching as this mutual admiration is, you broke one of our most ironclad laws.”

  “There was no way to avoid it.”

  “You could have forced them to kill you.”

  “How? By threatening one of them? Humans—including Progeny and Fey—are not to be harmed. That is a higher law.”

  Ezra’s lips thinned as he glared at Kellan. “How much danger has your indiscretion put all of us in?” He held out his hand.

  Tasha sucked in a sharp breath. He was asking, or perhaps demanding, to speak mind-to-mind, as if he didn’t trust Kellan to speak the truth otherwise.

  Kellan looked at Ezra’s outstretched palm and then into his eyes. “Very little. From what I can tell, Jared, the Lightbringer, and Gideon have minds of their own. They haven’t told their Celestial masters about us.”

  “They’re Apostates?”

  “No. They serve the good. But they’ve given their word to keep our secret as long as U’dahmi don’t act against Celestials or humans.”

  Ezra kept his hand held out.

  “Oh, for the love of…” Tasha exclaimed, unable to contain her frustration any longer. “How stupid are you, that you can’t recognize that Kellan is one of your best?”

  Shaking his head at her, Kellan clasped the other man’s fingers and his face went slack.

  Chapter Three

  **Satisfied?** Kellan asked after Ezra had confirmed the truth of everything he’d been told.

  **No. You’ve barely touched the mind of your pet Fey since you fed from her. You don’t know if you can still trust her. I intend to remedy that oversight while I’m here.**

  Rage bubbled up from somewhere deep inside Kellan. He wasn’t going to let Ezra feed from Tasha. It was too intimate and Tasha would never agree to just let down her newly learned mental shields so the other U’dahmi could rummage around in her head.

  **No. You will not. I’ll do it, if it must be done. You can examine me afterward, to confirm her trustworthiness.**

  **Fine, as long as it’s done.** Ezra gave a mental shrug, but Kellan sensed amused satisfaction behind his nonchalance. Kellan’s compliance in this was as much a test of his loyalty as Tasha’s ability to protect her knowledge of the U’dahmi. Then the other man’s mental tone grew more serious. **There’s something else I need to discuss with you.**

  **A new assignment?** Kellan dreaded the affirmative. Every new assignment meant the end of another U’dahmi. The Council’s decisions weren’t arbitrary. The execution was always necessary, but the loss of one of their own, even if they’d gone rogue, diminished them all.

  **Hopefully not. Jasper hasn’t made contact with the Council in over nine months. When was the last time you heard from your partner?**

  **We spoke on the phone about six weeks ago.**

  **How long since you touched his mind?**

  Jasper had put off Kellan’s suggestion they meet, again, saying he was fine, and making progress on finding a particularly elusive quarry. Kellan had offered his help, but Jasper had refused and Kellan hadn’t insisted. They hadn’t touched mind-to-mind since before he’d rescued Tasha. He’d met his own need for mental contact by checking in occasionally with Monique, but Jasper had been working solo all that time.

  **Six months.**

  Ezra’s dismay cut like a sharp blade. **Half a year! How could you go so long without making contact?**

  Kellan winced, guilt twisting his gut. He’d been more concerned for Tasha’s welfare than he had for his own partner’s.

  Ezra picked up on the thought. **Maybe, but it’s not all on you. Jasper knows better than to go so long without contact.**

  **I’ll find him.**

  **As soon as possible. But first, you need to test your pet Fey.**

  **She’s not a pet. She’s a woman—and one of Gaia’s descendants.** Gaia had been one of the Celestials, as they all had, before she’d come to the Terrestrial Plane with her followers and imbued it with life. Their descendants, the Fey, had varying degrees of her power.

  Ezra ignored his protest. **You hid her from the Council. She’s your responsibility. Test her. And if you find her lacking in either resolve or ability to keep our secrets, it will be on you to resolve the issue.**

  **She’s connected by marriage and friendship to a Guardian and a Lightbringer. I’ve given my vow to protect her.**

  **Then you’d better hope she passes the test. It’s either that, or you’ll have to imprison her—for her protection, of course.**

  Kellan pulled away from Ezra’s grasp, breaking the connection. He found Monique holding both of Tasha’s hands when he opened his eyes.

  “Are you all right?” Tasha pulled free of the other woman’s grasp and came to him.

  Kellan touched her bare shoulder. **I’m fine. But—I have a favor to ask of you.**

  Tasha’s expression shuttered ever so slightly. **I owe you my life. If I can help you I will. But what could you need from me? Especially after ignoring me for months at a time?**

  **I checked in with Monique quite often. I know she told you.**

  **Yeah, I know.** Tasha pushed her hurt to the back of her mind, but Kellan caught a shadow of the wistful thought she tried to hide from him. But you never bothered to talk to me.

  Kellan clamped down on his regret and repressed desire. **I didn’t want to distract you.**

  **Lame.**

  Kellan had to agree, but it was the best excuse he could come up with.

  **What do you need?**

  **May I drink from you, again?** He hadn’t meant for it to bleed through, but his honest desire to taste her vital essence again was there. That was what he’d tried to hide from her by not making direct contact for these last months, and now she knew anyway.

  Her flare of delight surprised him. **Of course! But—** Tasha glanced at Ezra. **Can we go to my room? I’d rather not do this with an audience.**

  She led Kellan down the short hallway to her room. Like the living room, it had floor to ceiling windows that made the modest size of the room seem larger. Far below, the ocean crashed onto the nearly empty beach. In early December only a few diehard surfers tested the waves in their wetsuits. Tasha hastily pulled the lime green and orange plaid quilt over the rumpled sheets and severa
l items of discarded clothing.

  “Sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting company.”

  Kellan’s lips curved in a lopsided smile. “It’s a significant step up from the parking lot of a warehouse,” he said, recalling the first—and last—place she’d gifted him with her essence.

  Tasha held out her arm. Kellan took her hand in both of his and pulled her down to sit beside him on the bed. **There’s no rush.**

  She frowned in confusion. **You’re not feeding because that joker wore you out?**

  **No.** He hesitated, not wanting to offend her, but knowing he had no choice.

  **Out with it. What’s up?**

  He might as well tell her. She’d find out when he sipped her essence and their minds touched. Where she was concerned, he had no ability to hide. **The Council is worried that you won’t be able to keep their secrets. I’m to evaluate that.**

  Tasha’s brows rose. **I would never betray you! You saved my life—or at least my sanity.**

  **Everybody has a weak spot that can be used for leverage. The trick is not letting your enemies know what it is so they can’t exploit it. In your case, that cat is out of the bag. Ana is your weak spot. They’ve already tried to use her once to get to you. The Council sent Ezra because they’re worried about whether you have the ability to keep our secrets if you’re ever taken again. So I need to test you. I’m sorry. I thought you’d have more time to prepare.**

  **Ezra wanted to do it. You didn’t want him to. To protect me.**

  **Yes,** he thought, even though that wasn’t the whole reason.

  She shivered. **Thanks. I wouldn’t have liked to have him in my head, either—and I certainly wouldn’t want to be in his.**

  **Ezra’s not so bad. But I—rather selfishly—want to limit how many of us know you that intimately.**

  **What happens if I fail?**

  **If you can’t keep me out of your mind, I’ll find out why you didn’t go to New York the way you’d planned, and any number of other embarrassing secrets you’d rather not share.**

  **I mean with Ezra.**

  **I’ll try to talk Ezra into giving you more time to develop your skills.**

  **Don’t pretend I can’t tell when you’re shying away from the truth.**

  **All right. They’d probably order you killed—that would be more merciful than damaging your mind with a wipe. They’d confine me to keep me from protecting you, and they’d make it look like an accident. You’re too connected to the Celestials to sequester you, because your friends would come looking for you. It would draw unwanted attention to us.**

  Tasha pursed her lips. **That makes sense, but I can tell you, I’m not too thrilled with you being part of a group that considers assassination part of their problem-solving kit.**

  Kellan wanted to withdraw from that, but she already knew what he wanted to conceal from her. He was an assassin. He didn’t like it either, but killing U’dahmi who’d gone rogue was his job.

  **Would they order you to do it?**

  The idea was abhorrent. **Probably not. They have a little more compassion than that. Besides, I’ve already shown myself to be unreliable with respect to you.**

  **Maybe they’d use it as a test of your loyalty.**

  Ezra had suggested that, and knowing some of the Council members, that was a possibility. **I’d rather not contemplate that.**

  **Me either.**

  **Shall we get on with it?**

  She shrugged. **How does this work, normally? Last time was kind of extreme.**

  An understatement, if there ever was one. She’d probably saved his life, trusting him when she had no reason to.

  **We can take our time, if you’re nervous.**

  **I am, but I’m not afraid of you. Let’s get on with it—please.**

  He could feel the truth of her words. Like him, she’d been anxious to repeat the experience of connecting the way they had that night when she’d saved his life.

  He’d told himself that as a mortal Tasha might have been overwhelmed by the experience. That her judgment might be clouded by the pleasure. He’d avoided contact with her because he hadn’t wanted to distract her from what she needed to learn from Monique. Besides, he’d had work to do.

  But now that he stood beside her, touching her mind, he knew that staying away from her had just been an excuse. He liked her. Respected her resilience. He’d avoided her as much to protect himself as he had for her sake. He didn’t want to think he might be only her drug of choice—even though maybe she was his.

  Kellan nodded. He didn’t want to delay any longer, either. **The blood is mostly a formality this time. Necessary, but I don’t need to feast on you as I did last time.** He pulled a small, extremely sharp knife out of his belt buckle. Before she had time to anticipate the pain, he swiftly nicked the heel of her palm and lifted her hand to his lips.

  As the first drops touched his tongue their connection exploded in his mind. He sensed the strength of her protective walls as he passed through them. Monique had done an excellent job of teaching Tasha how to shield herself and she had been an apt pupil. He’d been prepared to coax Tasha to admit him. But the Fey had welcomed him inside even before he knocked.

  **Was I supposed to keep you out? Were you expecting to actually test my barriers? I thought you just wanted to look at them.**

  Kellan conveyed his chagrin. He hadn’t really wanted to struggle to connect with Tasha. She must have perceived that, and acted accordingly. **I should have been more clear.**

  **You can still test me. Try to find out something that you don’t think I’d want you to know.**

  Kellan didn’t want to embarrass or hurt her, but Ezra needed to know how well Tasha could hide information. **All right.** He withdrew from her to formulate a question, even though he didn’t pull his lips away from her hand. Her blood only trickled into his mouth, but he still rode the connection. **Who was your first lover?**

  Tasha laughed. ** I don’t care if you know that, silly. Bobby Oliveras. Ask me something I’d rather not talk about.**

  He had to suppress an unexpected twinge of jealousy. **Bobby Oliveras. Was he good to you?**

  A wistful feeling permeated their connection and he saw Bobby’s so-young face, felt the combination of safety and arousal of having his arms wrapped around her, his body pressed to hers. **He was sweet, and the first guy I felt that way about. We were both virgins and seventeen. We were as good to each other as we knew how to be.**

  An unexpected sense of relief washed through him. Her memory of something as important as a first time was a good one. But he wasn’t here to dance down memory lane with her—as much as he might like to.

  **Why didn’t you go to New York to pursue your design career after you got your degree?**

  Tasha’s cheerful internal voice fell silent. The soft gray landscape of her mind grew darker. A wall he hadn’t noticed before barred his way forward.

  **Tasha?** Kellan pushed against a barrier as hard as granite. Pushed harder. The walls that he’d estimated as quite good were even better than he thought. He didn’t want to hurt her, but if an enemy assaulted her again, he wouldn’t be gentle. Kellan recited a spell designed to seek and reveal. He’d used it often in his work as a private investigator, gaining him a reputation among others of his profession as gifted in finding what he looked for.

  A door-shaped crack revealed itself. With dismal regret that entry had been so easy, Kellan swept it open with little more effort than he would a heavy curtain. Ezra would never accept this flimsy protection as sufficient. Maybe he could talk the Council’s representative into giving Tasha more time. That hope seemed vanishingly small. Ezra was a stickler.

  The entry opened onto a hallway of black stone. The brain was a network of connections, but most people compartmentalized their knowledge and thoughts, either consciously or unconsciously, like a series of rooms that led from one to another connected by feelings and other associations. If he wanted to find out why Tasha hadn’t gone to N
ew York, he’d start by looking for the intense satisfaction that came from finishing an original design—the way Tasha had felt while watching her sister walk down the aisle in the dress she’d made for her.

  He opened himself to the tendrils of memory and emotion that reflected what he was searching for.

  Nothing. No whisper of joy, no element of frustration when a design failed to gel. No grief at backing away from a dream. Nothing.

  Were Tasha’s wards better than he thought? He examined the hallway he was in more carefully—and realized he wasn’t in a hallway any longer—he stood in a large room and the light was growing dim. That shouldn’t be happening. The light was metaphorical—a function of his search and his desire to see. But whether it was supposed to be getting darker or not, it was. Kellan turned to retrace his steps and saw that the door through which he’d entered had closed behind him. The crack had disappeared. The wall was smooth and unbroken. He pushed. The unyielding wall slipped away from under his hand.

  Mentally, Kellan lifted a brow. **Clever girl.**

  He began to circumnavigate the room, keeping his left hand on the wall. It curved gradually, never giving him a sense of progress by letting him turn a corner. The light faded more and more. Kellan recited his spell again, seeking an exit, but none appeared. His fingers found no crack indicating a door. The last little bit of light disappeared, and blackness surrounded him.

  He let his hand drop to his side as he focused his intent on Tasha, but her essence was everywhere and nowhere, masking her direction. When he reached out his hand again, the wall wasn’t where he expected to find it. He hadn’t moved. The wall should be there. He groped for it without success while the menace of inky blackness enfolded him like a too-warm blanket that he wanted to throw off, but couldn’t. Whispers arose, in familiar voices he couldn’t quite make out, and he wondered if he was going mad. How long had he been trapped here, in the dark playing hide-and-seek with Tasha?

  His heart sped. Illogical fear rose, even as he reminded himself that there was nothing here that could hurt him. Tasha wouldn’t leave him here.

  It didn’t matter. Dread wrapped itself around him like a suffocating mantle. He needed light. Needed it now.